The power of the Klutzy strikes again.

Today  started out kinda normal, Matt's parents were taking us to do a session in the Manti Temple. I was so excited , Luke however decided not to go to sleep and stay that way until after 1 am. And we were planning on leaving at 8 am. So as we were leaving I was carrying Luke going down the stairs outside and sure enough we fell somehow. I held onto Luke so he didn't get hurt, but I landed on the sidewalk so i wasn't so lucky. I hit my head and back on the concrete and twisted my ankle, which is bruised and swollen. I feel like one big bruise. Thankfully Luke didn't get hurt at all and he didn't even cry. But i really think that i need to stay away from stairs!!!

Life

So lately things have become weird. Matt lost his job last Wednesday so now things have become difficult. However I feel that  it is a blessing for us at least i hope. I'm making my cousins wedding cake and I'm afraid I have bitten off more than I can chew. Though Matt would disagree, he has more confidence in my skill level then I do. Thankfully her wedding is in February and I have already started working on it. I want it to be perfect!!! I should just keep the scene in Star Wars when Darth Vader saying "I find your lack of faith disturbing" in my mind lol. On Sunday we went to visit my sister Jenna, just the three of us. She was put into a nursing home for people with disabilities last year and I miss her. But she loves it and she does a lot more then she did when she was home. When she saw us she was so happy! She wheeled herself over and pulled me down, she was either trying to give me a hug or wanting me to pick her up and carry her like I use to. Which I wish I could. My doesn't feel like it has gotten any better and i wish it was. Matt won't even let me go back to the work I was doing 2 months ago because hes afraid my back will get so bad that I'll be stuck in a wheelchair as well.

Going To Hell In a Hand Basket!

Well we spent 2 weeks of October in Georgia and had a lot of fun. There was 13 of us that went, all except my sister and Matt. We found out 2 days before that he couldn't get the time off like we thought he would. But like i said we had fun that is until the Friday before we left. You see we were awakened at 5 am to my grandma's Life Line going off. If you have seen commercials for Life Alert, its the same thing. Anyway she fell that morning and my mom, brother and sister in law had to help her. Then that last Sunday we went to visit my great aunt Leila and she couldn't remember any of us not even my mom. And yet a week before when we saw her she could. Well since then things with them have gotten worse. Aunt Leila may have had a stroke and is in the hospital. My grandma has been in the hospital for a few days with pneumonia and is also hallucinating. On Monday she will be going to a nursing home because she currently can't live by herself. Things lately have become bad and I'm a little scared. I'm at least glad that we were able to go to Georgia wen we did. My mom had a feeling that we all needed to go when we did.

Sad Day

Well I woke up and went to work, and on my way I had to pick up my doctor's note so I could go back to work. My doctor ended up putting in the note that I'm still on a lifting restriction of 5 lbs. I gave to my boss who then called corporate to find out what to do. So seeing as I only had 14 days of medical leave and today was day 14, I am now unemployed... This sucks!!! What is weird is I couldn't get to sleep until around 3 am because I kept thinking that I needed to do something with my life to help us. Now I definately need to do something!

Almost Healed

Well my doctor ended up putting me on a new medication its a medrol pack which is really interesting. Which can I just say how sick and tired I am with how many medications I have been put on since February?! I mean really I feel like my body has decided to just fall apart. Okay, back on subject
I take them for six days, I started on Tuesday having to take 6 pill then it goes down the next day. I'll finish on Sunday which means that I will be able to go back to work on Monday. I'm kinda glad too I have been really bored when Luke has been sleeping and Matt is at work. I feel as though my back is healing well, I'm rarely in pain now and haven't had to take any of my pain medications or muscle relaxers for 3 days. YAY!!! With all of this that has been going on I almost forgot to mention that Matt is no longer in the National Guard. I still can't believe it, he has been out for almost a month. He just became to sick of the army b.s. and with how disorganized his unit is. I'm glad that he won't ever be deployed but i think he misses part of it. At least he doesn't have to completely shave his beard every month.

MRI Results.

So I just got my MRI results for my back. It turns out that I no longer have a compression fracture on my T5 YAY! They also did one of the lumbar area and it turns out that my L5 has a bulging disc. So they have more medication for me to take and also physical therapy and it be fixed. If that doesn't work they will have to do an epidural injection EEK!!! So hopefully I'll be able to go back to work sooner then we thought.

Almost 10 Minutes On The Clock.

When Wednesday morning came I was still in a lot of pain, but I didn't dare call in sick. So I got up and got ready for work as if it was just a normal day. I got to work, which I was lucky that I even made it there because it hurt so bad and I didn't take my medication. I clocked in, then had to answer the phone, cancel a delivery then had to clock out and go home. See after the phone call my boss came up to find out what happened to me because he got the note about me on light duty. He wanted to make sure that I hadn't hurt back working then he dropped the ball. He told me that with it being a back injury corporate will probably want me to go on medical leave, since light duty doesn't exist with my job. He left to phone corporate and when he got back he told me that I'm on medical leave for 2 weeks. So I have been forced on leave and it sucks. I mean I love that I'll get to see Matt and Luke more but we can't afford this. However I finally had an MRI of my back. They had to do 2 areas so it took about an hour. I found it a little uncomfortable because I'm slightly claustrophobic however I just closed my eyes and thought of something else. I ended up dozing off just before they finished but I'm glad its over. I should get the results some time tomorrow, hopefully it's nothing too serious.

Either way I'm screwed.

So a month ago I fell down the stairs and hurt my back. And then Sunday, when I thought that finally my back was better and all was right in my life. I end up bending over to put a bag in the trash can and get this very sharp agonizing pain in my lower back that shot down my left leg. It caused me to lose my footing and fall to the floor where I remained for a few minutes. I couldn't move because every time I tried it would hurt so bad that I was screaming. Matt, my dad and my brother gave me a blessing. After Matt got help from my brother to get me in the car and he took me to the ER. The doctor I saw suggested that I get an MRI but he said that it would be better if my actual doctor ordered it so the insurance would pay for it. The doctor at the er thinks that I have a herniated disk. So today I went to my doctor who basically told me that I have to be on "light duty" which means that I can't lift anything over 5 lbs, can't bend, twist, push or, pull anything and that while I'm on my pain medication and muscle relaxer I can't drive. And honestly with my job "light duty" doesn't exist. which means I'm pretty much worthless to them. So now I really don't know what to do. You see I could listen to my doctor and have the possibility of being fired . Or I can ignore the pain and my doctor and could end up making my back worse. Either way I'm screwed.

6 months, cutting teeth, compression fractures, rear-ends and purple fingers. What a week!!!

So Lukie boy turned 6 months old yesterday, and I can't believe how fast it went. He's now trying his hardest to crawl though he would rather just start walking! He has been teething for a while now but one of his bottom teeth has cut through the gum. My little man is getting so big *tear*. Last Thursday I fell down the stairs in our house. It hurt, Luke and I were the only ones really there and he was in his crib(thank goodness!) screaming because he was hungry. I went to the doctor for it on Friday they did some x-rays and gave me some meds to help it. Then on Monday I received a call from my doctor with my x-ray results and it turns out that i may have a compression fracture on my left Thoracic vertebrae. *crickets* But i honestly won't know for sure if that is the case until 4 weeks when they do more x-rays. What sucks is this morning I woke up with no pain, which i was glad. Then I went to work and on my first delivery of the morning i get rear-ended. The guy wasn't paying attention but at least he was only going like 5 mph. however it really didn't help my back at all. Then on i shut my finger in the door of my neon!!! Either I'm just accident prone or I'm having bad luck either way this week has been interesting!!!!

Missing Free Time and Introducing Soy

This last week was my first week back to working full-time and boy was it exhausting!!! I miss the time when i had days that I could actually get stuff done. For the last two week I've been needing to meet with the school advisor because i keep failing the entrance exam but i haven't had the time to do it. And who knows if I'll still be able to go when i first started trying to go back to school they had said that there were two spots available in the culinary arts program, who knows if there are anymore. I've been half tempted to call and find out but haven't for the fear that it would be full. So the last few weeks Luke hasn't been acting like himself. He's been really fussy and has just been acting like he sick. So my mom suggested that it could be his formula and it turns out that it is. On Thursday we switched him to soy formula and he seems a lot happier. There are a few problems with soy formula, first it smells nasty so i can imagine that it probably tastes the same but he devours it just the same. And second it is so expensive, its about $2 more then the regular formula. But honestly I don't care at least hes a lot happier then he was. Plus no more stuffy nose, he's had that ever since he first went to formula.
So Matt has been wanting to move and lets face it i do to. See when we first got married we were living in a nice two bedroom apartment in American Fork. But then in August 2009, Matt lost his job. We were able to stay in our apartment until January but then had to move into my in-laws basement. That grew tiresome so when my parents moved from Mona back to Orem we moved in with them. But it has been very hard on Matt and I living here. However with the mountain of doctor and hospital bills we really can't move. At least not until they are completely paid off. So Matt ended up applying for 2 A.G.R. job and 4 tech jobs with the National Guard and I really hope he gets one of them. He'll make at least double what he's making now plus he'll get full benefits starting the first day so i could get rid of mine. Please pray that he gets one of them!!!

Full-time??

So Matt and I have been decussing whether I should go back to full-time or not. With Luke being older now, its crazy how fast four months have flown, and with Matt's new job we'll be able to get a babysitter. However I don't know how I feel about it. I've enjoyed being able to spend time with my son without Matt being around. Matt never wants to do anything but stay home on his days off but Im the type of person that doesn't really like being at home all of the time. Another reason in the cons list is I'll hardly ever see Matt. On the days that he works 10 pm - 6 am I'll at least get three hours with him. But on the days that he works 2 pm - 10 pm he'll have already left by the time I get off work. We really don't want Luke to be raised by a babysitter but I guess its what we have to do. I mean with me going back to working full-time we will be able to pay off the medical bills a lot faster. This sucks! GRRR!

Creative Bug, and Return of the Headaches

With Matt starting his new job it has made me a little bored. And I'm afraid that to his dismay the creative bug is biting, and biting something fierce. The last time this happened it last a few weeks with making receiving blankets, burp cloths and a quilt for a diaper cake for my new niece. Now since going to Hobby Lobby (i absolutely love that store!!!) with Bekah on Saturday and getting a whole bunch of project idea sheets I really want to make something. I just can't decide what to make!!! I really hate Matt's new job especially his commute and is graveyard shift. Its really not worth it so I really hope he gets one of the A.G.R. jobs that he applied for. They aren't in his unit but the pay is good and he'll have active duty which means better benefits then we are getting with my job. Well the headaches are back with vengeance I can't take it. I'm so sick of having to take the medication that I've been taking because a lot of times they haven't worked. The vertigo part of the headaches have come dangerously close to starting back up again especially at work and with everything else I really can't afford to take any time off for them. I haven't told Matt because I know he'll say that its time to see a neurologist and I'm so sick of doctors. They seem to just give you the run around that way you never get better and thus fill their pockets. Hopefully they will stop on their own.

Peace Out, Purple Crying!

I think I can finally say that Luke is through with the purple crying stage. I can't believe that its finally over. It was way too hard for me to watch him go through this. Matt and I both were having a hard time staying patient for it but when one of us had enough for the night then it was the other's turn. We also had a lot of help from my parents. Last night he had no tears or screams either except his extreme exhaustion whining at 2 am. It was like he reverted, for a night, back to when he was a couple weeks old. I can't believe that hes going to be 4 months old in a few weeks. I just put him to bed with no tears or blood-curdling screams. Just him asleep after his bed time bottle. YAY!!! I'm so glad! Matt is still at A.T. though today he told me that he has decided that he is going to try to be deployed with his cousin's unit, which will probably be to Afghanistan. I'm really not happy about it but its what he feels he needs to do. But he doesn't even know if he is going to be able to go. It all depends on if there is a spot in the unit for him to go. Anyway it's now time to sleep while I can.

A.T. Day 1 and Another brick in the wall.

Well Matt started A.T. yesterday and its really hard for me this time. I mean he is gone for two weeks but this time he's at Camp Williams which is 20-30 minutes away from our home, depending on traffic that is.It was great that he was able to come home on Sunday and he's going to try to come home this weekend and I really hope he can. Luke and I miss him so much. On another note Luke has been in the "period of purple crying" stage. Its been really hard he gets so tired and it makes him cry even more. I have tried everything but if i play music for him it works and it has to be certain music. For example on Saturday he fell asleep to "Raise Your Glass" by Pink. Tonight was no different with him falling asleep to "Another Brick in the Wall" by Pink Floyd. Which I'm really not surprised, I listened to that type of music while i was pregnant with him and actually still do. At least he has good taste lol.

So Mad!

I'm so fed up with being nice. I mean I work hard on something that I really shouldn't be bothering with and i get no appreciation for it. Am i being selfish for wanting to be appreciated for the things i do especially when i work my butt off making it perfect!!! I'm so mad!!!! but i feel like i have no right to be so I'll probably swallow my pride and anger and go back to being a fricking doormat. FYI my face doesn't say " wipe your paws"! Oh great my hand cramped up.

A Long Weekend.

As if the title of this post says it was a long weekend. It was also a very long week. Matt spent this whole week working at Camp Williams. A few of the officers in Matt's unit went to Cambodia on Thursday so they had him work Monday - Thursday to help with that and to get ready for the three day drill weekend he had. He had to be at Camp Williams at 7 am on Friday and gets home some time tomorrow. I think that's the reason why this weekend has been so long, with him gone since Friday its been tough. It reminds me of when we had been married six days when he had to go to South Korea for two weeks. I don't know how I would handle it if he ever got deployed like he wants! But having Luke here has helped, working though hasn't especially today. I don't know what I did but I ended up getting a pinched nerve in my back while i was at work earlier. At least it wasn't a migraine or the vertigo stuff lol. I just can't wait until Matt gets home. We will actually be able to celebrate his birthday.

Grateful

You know I'm so grateful that we have a Heavenly Father that loves all of us so much that he sends us certain people to help and guide us. People that give us the strength to keep going when you just want to give up. I'm blessed to have a husband that stands by me when I get frustrated or makes me feel like I'm the most beautiful girl in the world when I'm not wearing any makeup and look gross from being sick. He challenges me so I can realize my dream. I have friends that I've known for so many years, that have seen me at my worse and have still helped me get to where I am today. That without their support and example I would not be alive let alone be married to a wonderful husband and mother of a beautiful little boy. This poem that I received many years ago from one amazing friend fits with just how grateful i am for the people in my life. I didn't write this. :

People come into your life for a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime.

When you know which one it is,
you will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.

They have come to assist you through a difficulty,
to provide you with guidance and support,
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend and they are.

They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then,
without any wrongdoing on your part
or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something
to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met,
our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered
and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real.
But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons,
things you must build upon in order
to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson,
love the person
and put what you have learned to use
in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life,
whether you were a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime.

My Mother's day

Today was quite enjoyable, went to church, visited grandmas and my mother in law, then went out to eat with my whole family. It was a great first mothers day for me and yet i feel... blah. I don't know why I'm feeling this way, its not because of the migraines though they are still just as festive as they have been. I feel lonely i guess and a little lost it and it bothers me. I mean I have a great life i shouldn't be feeling this way. I should be happily wanting to do whatever. But lately i haven't. Matt tries to help as best he can and most days he does but some days I'm way too depressed to let him. I know its hard on him and I can tell he misses the girl I use to be I just wish for his sake that I could be that girl again. I just wish it was August already then I would be busier with school so much in fact that maybe I wouldn't notice how lost, lonely and depressed I am.

Back to work.

Its my first day back to work, and I'm not really looking forward to it. I mean i do need to get out of the house but I'm going to miss Luke. Plus I'm afraid that I'm going to have problems today but I'll have everything I'll need to make sure it doesn't happen. I still surprised that I was able to find out whats wrong. I thought I never would and would have ended up having to quit. Though I'm also surprised that they haven't fired me!!! I'm really looking forward to when I get home from work. Matt is taking me out to dinner and We got an awesome babysitter for Luke thanks to an awesome sister in law. We really need to go out on a date its been too long and its definitely needed. Well sadly time for work.

All of this just for a Lousy headache, REALLY???

So I had my appointment with the ear, nose and throat doctor today. It was kinda crazy, complete with a free "ride" and a little bit of dizziness. Come to find out that the doctor really thinks its migraines!!! GO FIGURE!!! He explained that everyone has different migraine symptoms and mine cause vertigo! So he suggested to see a neurologist, yay another doctor. After we left I was thinking about every single one of these vertigo episodes, i realized that it made since. I know the recent ones that I remember have came equip with quite a stellar headache that seems to linger a bit longer than the vertigo. Well I have always noticed the early signs of the dizzy spells and never knew how to stop them. Today they started so I took some Excedrin and an hour later it was completely GONE!!!! It didn't even get a chance to be as bad as they usually are. So now we finally know what is wrong with me and what to do to fix it. And now i can go back to work though I still would rather stay home!!!

Meclizine and Gripe Water, Make my life easier!!!

Well I have to say the Meclizine actually works which I have to be honest it makes me disappointed. I have been taking it when the dizziness starts only as a last resort. See the doctor told me that taking it could diminish my milk supply so i haven't wanted to take it at all. However its too late regardless, my milk is completely gone! I have to be honest i have mixed feelings about it. I mean I really enjoyed breast feeding him it was the best way for us to bond. It was the best thing for him but my body decided not to make enough for him. But i have to say I'm a little bit glad I have been so afraid that hes not getting enough nutrients because I honestly don't eat very well and sometimes not at all. So at least hes going to stay healthy. Anyway the Meclizine also has been working with the dizziness and nausea so that's good. And even with me being afraid that Luke isn't eating enough, he has started wearing size 3-6. And hes only 2 months old!!! He still can fit in 0-3 but they are fitted a bit lol. He is colic has become worse, he has been crying a lot the last few days hopefully the gripe water starts working again. Yesterday was the ward talent show and i was crazy enough to bake something for it. If all the cupcakes that I made last week weren't enough I made some more. They were a chocolate cake with a peanut butter filling and a chocolate ganache on top. They were a huge hit and I was able to leave with no leftovers!!!

The Flakiest Employee Award Goes To....

Me of course! I feel really bad, see all week i was trying to get an earlier ENT appointment so i could possibly go back to work this weekend. Sadly there wasn't a cancellation so i have to wait until Wednesday. So yesterday I went to get a doctor's note to excuse me from work this weekend. My boss wasn't thrilled at all. He asked how long did i know that i wasn't going to be able to work. I explained the whole situation about trying to get a sooner appointment. So he's going to keep me off the schedule until he knows otherwise. Wednesday was horrible, this vertigo or whatever it is started again and it actually lasted longer then it ever has. 8 HOURS!!!! Matt and my dad ended up giving me a blessing which helped a lot. But every time i tried to eat something it wouldn't stay down. I couldn't even keep my nausea and dizziness medicine down. I'm just so glad to have men in my life that hold the priesthood!

Finally...

So I had another doctor appointment today to find out what is wrong. I so glad to see a doctor that actually seems to know what they are talking about. He thinks it is likely Vertigo (points for Jessica!!!). He also said that there is a chance that its Meniere's disease but he seemed more sure that its vertigo. He prescribed Meclizine which is a motion sickness medicine and got me an appointment with an Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor. The soonest appointment they had is Wednesday may 4Th. I wanted to get in sooner because I'm suppose to work this Friday and Saturday. I'm hoping that there is a cancellation so i can get in before the end of the week so i can work. If not, however, the doctor did say that they can give me a note to be excused from work. I just hope all of this work that i have had to miss won't cause my boss to fire me!

I hate the run around!!!

So I went to the audiologist appointment yesterday. Which was a waste of time, she didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. Yes, I have moderate to severe hearing loss in my left ear, but what about the dizziness? NOTHING!!! I'm suppose to go back to work tomorrow and I still can't find out whats wrong with me. Not to mention work won't let me come back without being released by the doctor. This is so stupid. So now I'm waiting to hear from the doctor so I can know what they want me to do now!!! At least I get a new phone today or this whole day would suck!!! But I still can't do anything on my phone until I get the new one. Oh well!!!

Miss Irritation is back?!

Well Miss Irritation is this girl who Matt has been friends with for years. I know were really not suppose to hate people and I try not to. However I'm not perfect and there are to girls that I absolutely loathe. Miss Irritation is definitely one of them. I've tried to be nice and friendly to her for Matt she has to blow it. I mean just because you are friends with a guy who is happily married doesn't mean you have the right to tell that friend that they should of married you!!! Anyway after she told him that Matt and I met with our Bishop to figure out what to do. He told Matt to talk to her and have her stop contacting him. So he was suppose to and we decided to have a deadline for him, which was when Luke is born. Well he is still friends with her and has even been invited to her kids birthday party. He is thinking about going but keeps asking me if I want him to or if its okay with me. He knows that i don't want him to go but i can't exactly tell him that because he'll be mad. But he just doesn't seem to understand that it hurts me that he is still friends with her. And add that to how I have been feeling since Fridays awesomeness makes me want to sleep for a year or something.

Residual Effects

So the residual effects from a stellar yesterday is still here. I woke up today completely drained, its hard, I feel like I don't have the energy to take care of Luke. It's not fair. I know I must be complaining a lot. I usually try not to have a "poor me" attitude. I've been around people like that and they are really negative. But being a good mother is all I have ever wanted to be. I feel like whatever is wrong with me makes that nearly impossible. I was suppose to work today but that doctor's note excused me from the rest of yesterday and today. The doctor basically doesn't want me to drive until they know whats wrong. They think that I could get dizzy, pass out and get into a wreck. Fun, right?! Not so much especially if Matt and Luke were with me. But all day I have continued to feel nauseous and a little dizzy. And with Matt at drill this weekend so it makes me feel a little helpless. I really hate that feeling. I grew up having to rely on myself and now there have been days that I barely have the energy to get up in the morning. I just can't wait for Wednesday, when my appointment for the audiologist is. I hope they figure out what is wrong. Then ill get better and it can go back to how it was before this started up again. For Luke's sake.

First day back at work.

Today started out like any normal work day for me, unfortunately it didn't last that way. I had to work at 8:30 and only ended up staying a little over an hour. I was on my second delivery, I had to go to the South Orem store then to Mc Auto. On the way to the south orem store the dizzy crap started. I was hoping that I could make to my work but only made it to Mc Auto. It got so bad I couldn't drive anymore I had to call my work on my truck's CB radio. They sent another driver to get who took me to the doctor which thankfully was across the street. I went up to the receptionist which one of my doctor's nurses was behind her. The nurse had me come straight back because I had no color in my face. I was there about an hour and a half, threw up about four times and even got a shot for the nausea. They think its an inner ear problem that is causing my equilibrium to be off. Especially since I've had this problem off and on since 2007.They don't even want me to pick up Luke which I understand but its hard. They made me an appointment to see an audiologist and my work doesn't want me to come back without another note giving me the okay to come back. The dizziness lasted for another 2 hours but I have had a bad headache since. Also I had an ear infection which I haven't had since i was little. What a weird day.

That Funky Feeling

One moment I'msitting in bed watching TV and then the next my dizzy spells start. Its like I'm watching a movie that the camera is shaking the whole time. Which ends up making me need to throw up. I just can't stand it anymore. After talking to doctors about it and getting tests done, I still have no idea whats wrong. And it just keeps getting worse and it doesn't help with taking care of Luke. It scares Matt, and I hate it when he worries. On a lighter note, yesterday Matt went for a run and left is wedding ring at home. So I took it because I have been wanting to take it in to get ritodim put on to make it look new. he hasn't thought it was necessary even though it is covered by the warranty. So I took it in and it won't be done until the 23rd. Matt finally asked me this morning if i knew where it was and i was going to keep it a secret but i couldn't do it. He's annoyed that I got my way and that his finger will be naked for 2 weeks. LOL.

So sleep may come.

Last night, after another day of Luke staying up until 5 am, we actually better luck. We put him to bed at 2 am though we started his bedtime routine at 10 pm but it was at least better. Matt and I went to Wal-mart yesterday and got this CD full of lullabies that is my new favorite baby shower gift to give. So for tonight he fell asleep on mine and Matt's bed at 8, he is still asleep. My mom thinks Luke has colic with how he's been, and I'm starting to agree. Today i had my postpartum appointment and I got the okay to go back to work without restrictions. Though I am still waiting and hoping that I'll get the job at the hospital. After I went to Burlington's and got Luke 2 church outfits he looks so cute in them! I also went to Wal-mart and got him so gripe water and so far it works!!! So we might start getting more sleep from now on YAY!

WOW, Oh how much I hate you sometimes!

Matt came home from school today just to go straight to his computer. He did tell me hello and asked how my day was so far but that's it. Yesterday he set up both of our computers, his in Luke's room, mine in ours. I understand why he wanted to but I really don't like it. Then I come to find out that his cousin paid for him to play WOW for a month. I mean i would like to play ill be honest but that's not why I'm mad. I'm mad because Matt has responsibilities that he forgets all about when he can play video games. I just feel like video game is first on his list of priorities and its hurtful. On a happier note, I had my job interview at UVRMC and I think it went very well. I interviewed for two positions and both would be great and helpful for us.I just pray I get one of them. I found out today that even though i added Luke to my insurance, the company doesn't have him as a dependant. When i called they couldn't tell me why he's still not covered. Its so frustrating.

*Yawn*

Today has been quite the day. Luke didn't get to bed until after 4 am and slept until around 10. He was so cute today, he was smiling all morning. Matt had another job interview today and had Luke and i go with him. While he had his interview I went over to my work to talk to my boss about my schedule when I get back from maternity leave. I'm very glad to report that my boss was fine with me working only Fridays and Saturdays. I'll even get a longer shift during the day then I was. After Matt's interview we went to the rec center to workout. I have to say that Matt's army workout is a total pain but well worth it. All I know is that I'm going to feel it in the morning. Hopefully this will help me with my goal to get down to a size 7 or 9.

Long Day

Today was a very long day. Luke finally was able to go to sleep at 3 am, he was awake not even 30 minutes later coughing. It sounded like he was choking. Matt went and brought him in our room where Luke ended up sleeping. After Luke came in it was became a lot harder for me to sleep. Matt and I woke up at 5 am to go and do temple work. It was really nice to get out of the house and serve others. Ever since we got home, Luke has sounded like he's getting better. I really hope! Then after I woke up from the best, longest nap ever, Matt kept wanting me to do different things while Luke was napping. And I had no desire, which usually I have wanted to watch TV or play a game with him. But lately I haven't and I don't know why. I mean I have even had opportunities to spend time with my friends and just haven't wanted to. I think it worries Matt a lot, he keeps asking me if something is bothering me and I tell him no. I don't think he believes me but its true. I just don't know why i have been feeling this way and I wish I could make it better.

Worrisome

Luke has had very worried today. He's a month old and might be sick!!! This morning he woke me up at 7 am it sounded like he was choking. Matt told me that he hadn't seen someone move so fast. Luke is also congested and with it being RSV season, it has me concerned. I'm just hoping that there isn't anything wrong with him I mean it will be hard for me to handle if he is. On a positive note Matt has a job interview on Tuesday. I really hope he gets it that will help SO much. We have decided that I will be going back to work but will only work every Friday and Saturday. That way I can still keep my insurance and also be home with Luke. And its possible that we won't even need a babysitter which is what we are hoping!

4 am. SERIOUSLY?!

Mornings like today make me seriously question my abilities as a mother! I know that I've only been at it for 4 weeks and i shouldn't expect to be a pro at this, but I'm starting to think something is wrong with me. I tried to get Luke to go to bed from 12 am - 3:30 and nothing that I did would work. My husband wakes up and in minutes has Luke in his crib asleep. Its so frustrating! I still would rather stay home with Luke then have to go back to work in two weeks. Not that I don't like my job I do it's just that if I stayed at home it could be possible for me to start school next semester. I just don't know what to do.

Three weeks

Luke is three weeks old now, I still can't believe we have him. Everyday he makes me not want to go back to work in April. He's gained 11 ounces since march 11 and I couldn't be more thrilled! He was having trouble gaining and keeping weight on and it had me really worried. I've been trying to breastfeed him, but its like I'm not producing enough. And to be honest it has made me frustrated. Matt also thinks I might have postpartum depression. This past week Luke hasn't been sleeping like he started out, he's been wanting to stay up till 3 am! So after staying up until 4 am Saturday morning, I decided to try keeping Luke from having a nap longer then 20 minutes after 7 pm. Matt had been wondering if that was causing Luke to stay up, because he gets so tired after his 7 pm feeding. Well I have to say it worked at least better then Saturday morning. He ended up going to bed around 2 am, a lot better then before! However Luke might have colic which could also be causing his stellar sleeping habits. He is such a sweet little boy and his personality becomes more apparent everyday. Matt is so cute with Luke they already try to gang up on me, LOL.